Sex Tips: Partner is not interested in sex? Know what you can do in such a situation, expert tells the solution

It is very common that sometimes one partner wants to have sex, but the other partner does not feel like it at that time. Due to this, sometimes tension also increases between them. How can this problem be dealt with? A woman named Andrea, living in Berlin, the capital of Germany, was dating a boy named Ben. Ben was a very cooperative, kind and creative person. Andrea felt that their ideas were very similar and they had a very good conversation. Despite this, there was a big problem between the two that Ben showed less interest in having sex than Andrea.

At first Andrea thought this meant Ben wasn't interested in her, but Ben insisted sex was low on his list of priorities. "We didn't have a deep human connection," says Andrea. She felt lonely in the relationship, as if something was missing.

This is a real story. DW has changed the couple's names to protect their privacy. Andrea and Ben are not the only ones who suffer from this kind of problem, but it has become a common problem. We have tried to find out why sexual desires may differ between two partners. Also, how you or your partner can deal with this problem to keep your relationship happy.

There are different interests related to sex

"Different sexual interests have long been a common phenomenon in relationships," said Kristen Mark, a sex and relationships researcher and professor of family medicine and community health at the University of Minnesota Medical School. "This means that both partners do not always have the same sexual desires, and sometimes one wants it and the other does not, or does not want it as often."

There can be many reasons for differences in sexual interest in relationships. Mark says that to know about this, it is first necessary to understand that sexual desire is not the same. This can be understood from the example of Andrea and Ben.

Mark says, "Earlier we used to think that the desire for sex is a permanent thing, which does not change with time. Like someone says 'I am a person who has very little interest in sex.' Whereas the reality is different from this. The desire related to sex keeps changing with time."

"If you have two people whose sexual desires fluctuate throughout their lives, there will be times when one partner may want to have sex and the other may not," says Mark.

Why does the desire for sex fluctuate?

Mark says that sexual interest can be affected by three factors: personal, interpersonal (internal aspects of relationships), and social. Stress, poor health, or lack of sleep are considered personal factors. Mark said, "Due to stress, the desire to have sex decreases in some people. Whereas, in others, it increases."

Mark highlights that internal aspects of the relationship, such as how your relationship is, whether you are happy, or whether your attraction to each other has diminished, also affect sexual interest. These can be very common reasons. She said, "Many people tell us that they have less interest in sex, when it is simply, 'No, actually I don't like my partner that much.'"

Even happy relationships can have these problems if sex is not discussed properly. "Some couples, especially in long-term relationships, develop a certain way of initiating sex, which can later become a sensitive issue," says Mark. "For example, if you get rejected a couple of times, it can have a very negative impact on your sexual desire. You may not want to try again for fear of being rejected again."

Andrea felt the same way in her relationship with Ben. She said that she often did not initiate sex for fear of rejection.

Mark says that social factors such as gender inequality can also affect sexual interest. Women who do most of the household chores may feel less interested in having sex with their partner. Especially, if they feel that their partner is not sharing in the household chores or is increasing their stress.

The desire for sex is not always natural

Mark also says that it is important for couples to understand that sexual desire is often not what we think. The desire to have sex suddenly occurs only sometimes. Whereas, most of the time it happens that after getting excited due to some reason, the desire to have sex starts increasing.

She explains, "You may not feel like having sex before you start, but once you start having sex, you enjoy it. You get pleasure from it. Then it starts happening again and again, which is very beneficial for you."

How to overcome low interest in sex

Mark says that if one partner has a lot of interest in sex and the other has less, then the first partner can feel lonely. On the other hand, the partner with less interest can be considered a 'problem', that is, it can be thought that he has some problem.

As a result, the partner with the least interest in sex feels a lot of pressure to increase their desire, while the other feels little or no pressure to decrease their desire. "Couples who can solve this problem well find a middle ground," Mark points out.

Mark said that couples who are unable to maintain harmony between their sexual interests and are facing problems in their relationship should talk openly about their sexual needs. They should try to find out what they can do so that the needs of both can be fulfilled.

According to Mark, for many people, the desire for sex is actually to get closer to their partner and connect deeply. Good sex in a relationship confirms that your partner wants you. To bridge this distance, many couples strengthen each other's trust through conversation and maintain physical touch without sex. Such as hugging, holding hands, kissing, or showing love in public.

What Andrea felt about sex with Ben was not her first such experience. Years ago, Andrea had dated a man who could not have sex due to health reasons, but she did not experience such problems then.

Andrea says, "He made me feel that he loved me very much. He praised me a lot. I knew that he was attracted to me. He considered me beautiful. He tried to satisfy me in many ways. He tried to keep me happy."

There is no limit to having sex

Mark says there is no set limit on the number of times you can have sex with your partner each week. In her work, Mark helps couples overcome the pressure that their sex life is 'abnormal' or 'worse' than their neighbors.

According to Mark, some research suggests that having sex once a week is best. However, in reality, this varies from person to person and relationship to relationship.

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