People pleasing trait
All of us at some point or the others have tried to please others — friends, colleagues, parents or even your partner — however, pleasing others is trait that slowly destroys you for good. Here are few traits of people who are always nice.
You are a people pleaser if you struggle hard to say no and can't put your thought and aspirations assertively in front of others.
You are always fearing that you will be rejected by someone — both personally or even professionally. Scientifically, it is said that you are an emotophobe (you fear negative emotions).
You are always doing favours, even for people who are not related to you — you are always giving money to people without expecting anything in return.
Sense of self
If you are a people pleaser, you tend to become emotionally dependent on other people — you also have a weak sense of your own self.
Being too nice also means that you want to have approval from others — and do not feel confident in your own skin. You need a yes from people on everything you do.
You suffer from a low self esteem and feel shattered when someone criticizes you — in fact, you might even go into depression.
Why is it so dangerous?
While being nice is fine, being too nice has a number of cons that can physically and emotionally destroy you — read on to know what they are.
You suppress your emotions
Sometimes, if you are too nice, you end up suppressing a lot of emotions — anger, hatred, jealousy, grief or helplessness — since you hardly let go off your niceness, you end up bottling your emotions
Bottling up your emotions can lead to physical and mental breakdowns — this can lead to chronic stress, fatigue, anxiety and depression.
This behaviour of yours can give you chronic stress — while sometimes it is okay to be nice and keep quiet, but if form a habit out of it, then you will constantly feel the need to fit in — this will stress you out soon.
People use you
This one is a no-brainer. The nicer you are, the more people use you. Most of them will take you for granted and will expect you not to say anything and do everything they want.
And its not just about being used financially or emotionally — this can soon lead to abuse in that relationship. Since the other person knows that you will not say anything, he will walk all over you.
A common psychological theory is that people pleasing others is an act of selflessness but is in fact a selfish act — you try to control the behaviour of others by acting this way.
This is so because deep down you feel powerless and worthless — so you tend to control the behaviour of others so that you feel good about yourself.
Because of this behaviour of yours, you always keep a guard up. No one claims to know the real you since you always act different when you are trying to please others.
Such people are considered to be fake, since they do not let anyone see their "real" picture — all they will do is concentrate on making others happy.
How to stop it?
This attitude of yours will not harm anyone but your own self but the solution to this problem is not to point any finger at anyone, except perhaps your own self. You need to introspect your own self before blaming others.
What to do?
A simple solution to this problem is to take responsibility of your actions and learning to be assertive. This will help you regain your lost confidence as well.
This behaviour can be self-destructive but the solution is simple — shift your focus from others to your own self. You can do this be realizing negative emotions and learning to find self-worth within your own self.