Bollywood actor Emraan Hashmi who penned his struggle around his son Ayan’s cancer treatment in a book, says there was a point when he and his wife felt guilty that their son has to fight against the disease and asked himself, “Where did we go wrong?”
Ayaan, the first child of Emraan and wife Parveen Shahani, born in February 2010, was diagnosed with first stage of cancer at an early age of four in 2014.
“It didn’t make any sense for us in any way because there was no warning sign, there was no accompanying fever, and there was no physical discomfort. There was just a thing that we missed as parents and that was the tumor that had grown on the left side was, there was a bump here and went unnoticed,” Emraan said in a statement.
He further said, “We thought it (the tumor) was putting on weight and I think the first thing we felt was a feeling of guilt. He was 3 years 10 months then and we’ve made the choices for this kid and where did we go wrong?”
To help raise awareness about the disease and share their story, Emraan has come up with a book titled ‘The Kiss of Life: How A Superhero and My Son Defeated Cancer’ — which chronicles his career, family, the birth of his son, cancer and treatment thereafter. The book is set to be released in Hindi and Marathi too.
“There was a phase when we blamed ourselves, but after reading up on cancer, we realized that no one could be blamed,” Emraan said.
“After doing the reading, I realized that. When they removed the tumor, it went through the pathology report and we didn’t know if it was going to come back because in his case there is the favorable, unfavorable and also there is four stages of cancer,” he added.
“Ayaan has given birth to a new me. He made me a better person and taught me that life will hit you, it will knock you down on the floor but you have to get up, stumble, fall again and then get up but never give up.”
The actor, popular for films like Murder and The Dirty Picture, spoke about the experience during their child’s cancer treatment phase and how it made him stronger and a better person during an appearance in an episode of the fourth season of The Tara Sharma show, hosted by actress Tara Sharma.
Emraan has co-written the book with author Bilal Siddiqi.
What was the toughest part about the book?
The final chapter, said Emraan, who added: “It took me a couple of months to realize to write down of how my son in a way kind of inspired me to live my life.”