QUESTION: I'm a 22 years of age young lady working in Bangalore. I've been in a relationship for the past 6 years. My beau is a 31 year old representative. He's an egotistical individual, might be on account of he was conceived with a silver spoon. I had a considerable measure of companions before I began dating him yet I needed to quit meeting them since he didn't care for it. I barely have any companions now. Indeed, even in school he guaranteed that not a solitary person conversed with me. He mishandle me and my family in the most noticeably bad conceivable way. He once even went behind my back with another young lady and when I got some answers concerning it, I said a final farewell to him. However, soon I understood regardless I adored him in spite of the hurt he brought about me. Lamentably we got back together and things began getting ordinary. Presently in light of the fact that I'm working in Bangalore, he is continually questioning me and torments me truly. He hits and misuse me severely before his companions. I'm in solitude in life. I'm terrified to discuss this to my folks since I would prefer not to hurt them. I know I don't need to do this however I feel I'm trapped. I can stroll off however I'm frightened. I don't comprehend what to do after I leave this circumstance. It would be ideal if you help me.
ANSWER BY DR. GAURAV DEKA : The motivation behind why we stay in a dangerous relationship is the apprehension – "imagine a scenario where I exit and things deteriorate." We let ourselves get manhandled on the grounds that we are always terrified of 'progress. We live in a shameful domain where regular we are offended, misused and blasted – this prompts a checked inadequacy of certainty and self regard. Most times, as a result of rehashed introduction to manhandle we wind up trusting that perhaps nobody will love us.
The most widely recognized thought for a man stuck in a harsh relationship could be, "this individual who whips me however shows love at some point, in any event I know he cherishes me regardless of the possibility that he mishandle me, imagine a scenario in which I abandon him and locate nobody to love me. What will happen then?"
I had a cleaning specialist who used to come to me and let me know that her significant other whips her a ton. I continued advising her to leave the spouse however she didn't. One day she came and let me know that the beating has ceased. I complimented her, to which she cried and said that she's truly terrified – now that her better half doesn't thump her; which plainly means (to her) that he may be included with another lady. This is the thing that happens to our self regard in such a relationship and this is the motivation behind why we feel stuck.
Keep in mind, the minute you were conceived as a human, you were given the endowment of "through and through freedom". What's sans more will just signifies "decision". Exercise that decision and push forward. The way that this individual misuse you has inspired nothing to do with you. It must do to pass the time and his skewed thoughts of force and sense of self. Exit!