Are you in a sexless relationship? If so, you're not alone. Recent studies conclude that about 20 percent of American couples are in a sexless relationship, defined as having sex less than ten times a year. Many couples are thrilled if they can squeeze in sex once a month.
As fun as dating can be, the realities of a sexless relationship can loom over a couple like a storm cloud on an otherwise sunny day. No matter how happy a couple may seem at first, the harsh reality that they can both enter a dry spell together is something that shouldn't be ignored. The reasoning behind this shift is often misrepresented by harmful stereotypes -that sex will inevitably dry up in marriage a long-term relationship, or that women simply enjoy sex less than men -while in reality, a couple can fall out of their lovemaking groove for any numbers of reasons.
Here are some steps toward healing a sexless relationship.
Make the commitment to fix your relationship.
The first step towards transforming a sexless marriage is making the commitment together to do so. This is the most essential step, and a huge reality check. Do you both actually want an erotic relationship again? No matter how long it's been since you last were sexually intimate, you can recover your erotic connection, but only if you both want to.
Sit down and have a very honest conversation about the future of your relationship. Do you want a sex life together? Is it time to end the relationship? If you both can honestly say that you want to have a sex life again, you can move on to the next step.
Detox your relationship.
Sometimes, life events like having kids or taking care of elderly parents — can derail your sex life, creating a dry spell. In many cases, though, the slow build up of resentment is what causes a sexless marriage.
Do an inventory and get honest about why you have drifted from one another. Either alone or with the support of a good therapist, gets your emotional issues out in the open and work toward detoxing your sex life. This step isn't the most fun, but it's necessary for moving forward together. Only once you're honest about what has been holding you back can you can move forward and reconnect.
Create a loving and kind environment.
Now comes the fun part of healing your sexless relationship. The first step to getting intimacy back on track is to commit to what we call a "Culture of Pleasure" in your relationship. Every relationship has a culture, created by how you treat one another day in and day out.
Make it a priority to be kind, caring and loving toward one another. Go out of your way to love and serve your partner, and be grateful when they do the same. The goal is to create an environment where you both feel loved, valued and appreciated. No deed is too small — from doing extra dishes to complimenting your partner, every moment of kindness counts.
Reconnect with massage.
Once you're treating one another kindly around the house, it's time to reconnect your bodies and start reaping the benefits of loving touch. Touch is the most powerful tool for reconnecting after living in a sexless marriage. Massage is the perfect place to start.
Set aside ten minutes and massage your partner. Make sure to take turns so you each get a chance to give and receive loving, nourishing touch. Soon, you'll be giving one another quality massages, exchanging pleasurable touch and learning how to communicate about touch and pleasure.
Cuddle more and get close.
As you begin to feel the benefits of exchanging couples massage, begin experimenting with more full body contact. Get naked and cuddle. The full body skin-to-skin contact of cuddling is a powerful healing force.
Skin contact releases oxytocin, the love and bonding hormone that makes you feel happy and peaceful. Try to cuddle at least a few times a week, if not every night. Just a minute or two can be enough to create more intimacy and trust.