So it’s safe to say that we had read something like this before we went into my first relationship – because knowing these things now makes our current relationship that much easier. Of course, realizing this stuff usually comes with time and experience, but wouldn’t you rather know it now before getting into your first relationship?
Compromise Is Key
Compromise is SO important in a relationship. If one or both of you are not willing to do something you don't want to do once in a while, things are never going to work out. I'm a very stubborn person, and compromising can be really hard for me. But it didn't take long for me to figure out that I had to compromise sometimes if I wanted to have a good relationship.
But You Can't Forget About Yourself
Yes, there will be a lot of times where you need to compromise. But that doesn't mean YOU need to compromise all the time – your partner has to also! In my first relationship, I did everything to keep my BF happy and nothing to keep me happy. I totally disregarded what I wanted in order to make sure he was getting what he wanted. It wasn't good at all. You need to find the balance between doing what's right for you and what's right for your relationship.
It's Good To Take Things Slow
Some people may disagree with this, but I truly believe that it's good to take things slow. Some people get so caught up in their feelings that they rush everything. I'm not just talking about having sex – I'm also talking about saying "I love you," meeting entire families, and making big decisions based on each other. I've found that taking things slow makes things more interesting and also keeps you both from getting bored.
It's Not That Big Of A Deal If He Calls Someone Else Cute
In my first relationship, I would come thisclose to murdering my boyfriend if he dared to say he thought another girl (even a celeb) was hot. It was kind of terrible. Now that I'm older, I can totally see that him calling another girl cute, or noticing another girl's looks, really isn't that bad. We're all human, and you can't expect your boyfriend not to think other girls are attractive. If you don't become okay with that, it means you're not confident in yourself – and it's going to take a toll on your relationship. Don't take it so personally. If he says another girl is cute, he's not saying you're not cute or that he wants to be with her.
You Have To Pick and Choose Your Battles
Like I said before: I am a very stubborn person. Sometimes my instinct is to fight over everything in order to always get my way. If you're this way too, beware: it won't work in a relationship. Unless you want to spend all of your time fighting, you need to learn to pick and choose your battles. If he does something that only slightly annoys you, try to ignore it. If he REALLY hurts you, obviously don't ignore that.
Sometimes You'll Feel Bored and Restless
Even in the happiest relationships, you will sometimes feel a little bored and restless (especially after a few years). Even if you can't imagine life without your sweetie, you will sometimes wonder what it's like to be single. You'll even miss it a little. That's okay! You don't need to feel guilty or horrible for that. It happens. I used to feel this way once in a while and it would make me want to cry because I felt so guilty. Now I know that this is totally normal (as long as it's not happening a lot).
You Need Your Friends
I know your boo is your new best friend, but please don't get rid of your girl friends altogether. You NEED your friends, no matter how happy you and your BF are together. I make sure to make time for my friends every week, and I'm really happy I do. They give me a place to vent and just relax. In my first relationship, I stopped hanging out with all of my friends to be with my boyfriend all the time. It was one of the biggest mistakes I ever made. I was lonely, completely dependent on him, and I felt like a loser. When he wasn't around, I had nothing to do, and as a result, I would bug him to be with me all the time. Don't do this to yourself!
Date Nights Are Important
Try not to get stuck in the routine of watching TV and eating snacks in bed every single time you guys hang out. You need to have date nights at least once a week where you do something fun and different. My ex and I never did anything that interesting together. We would hang out on a couch, make out, watch a movie, and talk about how bored we were. Every single time. My boyfriend and I know make time for date nights. They don't have to be complicated! Sometimes we go to the movies, sometimes just a new restaurant, and sometimes something more exciting, like skiing for the day or taking a weekend vacay. Just get out there!
You Absolutely Can't Be Too Dependent On Each Other
Dependency might seem romantic and sweet, but it's not. It will ruin your relationship. If one or both of you are too dependent on the other person, you're going to drive yourselves crazy. My ex and I were very dependent on each other. We didn't know how to function if we weren't together. We couldn't do anything apart. It was horrible! When we broke up, this dependency made things a million times worse. Make sure you are your own person, even when dating someone.
You Can't Change Someone
I know you probably hear this all the time, but really listen: you cannot change someone, no matter how much you want to. I heard that all the time too, but I still thought I could change my ex. I couldn't, obviously. People are who they are, and they will only change if they want to
If You're Not Happy, You Need To End It Sooner Rather Than Later
Don't stretch out a bad relationship. In my first relationship, I wasn't happy for over a year before I did anything about it. It took me a long time to end things because I felt bad and because I was scared. I wish I had broken up with him sooner, honestly, because I wasted a lot of time being scared. Don't be scared! If you're unhappy, end things. Just do it. You won't regret it.
Breaking Up Is Really Hard… But It's Not The End Of The World
Relationships end a lot of the time. Breakups ARE extremely difficult. But you WILL get through them. In my first relationship, I was so afraid of going through a breakup that I ended up dragging things out. I thought I wouldn't be able to handle it. But during my first breakup, I learned so much about myself. I saw how strong I was and I really ended up appreciating being single. Yes, I felt lonely for months and cried myself to sleep a lot and saw a therapist, but things worked out in the end.